Are You Tired of the Verbal Abuse in Your Marriage?--I Was.

Hi,
My name is Jill.

It took a while, but I eventually realized my husband, Tom, was controlling me. Like how he would always choose the movie we'd see or the restaurant. First, he decided that I wasn't good with money and he had to control all of it.Get this: I was in banking for years and was already the manager--but he managed to convince me that I only knew how to handle money at work, but not at home, so he would do it "for" me.

And I couldn't argue with him. I couldn't speak up for myself or he'd get really angry.

If I told him he was right, just to make him feel good, he'd throw it up to me for years afterwards that I should have listened to him.

If I told him he was wrong, he'd either fight or sulk. He had to be right.

I also had no life any more. Over the years, I gave up my friends, I gave up my hobbies, I gave up everything.

I was crying every day.

And I'd better not let him find me crying or he'd start accusing me of playing on his sympathy.  I started to think there was something wrong with me.

And you have to understand, he was well liked outside the house. You couldn't tell anyone what he was like at home because they would absolutely not think I was talking about the same guy.
I'm going to let Tom chime in here, because the rest of the story is nothing short of amazing.

This is Tom speaking.

My work stresses me out.  I didn't like my behavior. I hated myself. I didn't want to admit to myself the bad state I was in. So I had to blame it all on Jill.
I had no idea I was an abuser.
 We searched for answers everywhere and nothing worked.

Then we got lucky. We found DrDeb online.

Hi, I'm Dr. Debby Schwarz Hirschhorn, Ph.D., but you can just call me DrDeb!

What’s the secret to my work?

Emotional and verbal abuse won't stop because you're "A Good Person" or because you took an anger management class.

It will stop when the abuser gets two key ideas

• Idea #1: He can't confuse being a victim with "victim thinking."
  
  He probably was a victim as a child--or he was spoiled, which is another form of victimhood. So he's used to feeling like a victim.
  
  Victim thinking is automatically thinking someone is abusing you when they're not!
• Idea #2: He needs to learn compassion.
  

  To help really change, there are over 35 concepts and tools in this package.

  

  What you will receive: (details below)

  • Looseleaf binder workbook
  • Digital download of workbook
  • Text CD of workbook
  • Book: 101 Questions & Answers
  • Article: How to Choose a Counselor
  • Article: What to Expect on Your First Visit
  • Article: Is Couples Counseling Right When One Person is Abusive?
  • Booklet: The Twelve Secrets for Making Affirmations Work for You
  
  
  View Cart
  

  HERE ARE THE DETAILS:

  Item 1, 2, 3: Workbook Binder (175 pages), Digital download, and CD

  • A NO-NONSENSE test of what constitutes violence .(Chapter Three, pages 26-31)
  • Why verbal and emotional abuse are worse than physical abuse. (page 31)
  • How to stop a verbal abuser in his (her) tracks. (pages 34-35 and 46-48)
  • You will discover another little-known secret that can HALT your progress even if you follow everything else perfectly. (This one is scary!) (pages 14-15) and FIVE FOOLPROOF METHODS to lick it once and for all. (pages 117-121)
  • A surefire method to STOP once and for all that ridiculous excuse, "It was just a joke." (page 42)
  • How to recognize the way power plays control your communications. (pages 96-107)
  • Learn the truth about "hypersensitivity" -- and overcoming the five blocks to becoming the sensitive person you need to be to save your marriage. (Chapter Nine, pages 87-94 and Chapter Fifteen, pages 160-166)
  • Learn three INCREDIBLE methods to be YOU again. (pages 39, 59-61, and 103-107)
  • How to ignite that spark in your relationship again. (this is what you were looking for when you first fell in love!)(pages 167-170)
  • The ridiculously simple secret of why you are doomed to repeat the same awful behavior and four amazingly simple things you can do to change it. (pages 128-145)
  • Eight FREEING methods to regain your self esteem and HEAL without leaving your marriage. (pages 109-127)
  • The steps to identify AND DISSOLVE negative self thoughts. (page 122)
  • How to select friends and deal with family to support your self-help program!(pages 123-125)
  • How to feel empathy for those you have hurt--so you never do it again. (pages 128-135)
  • How to set up boundaries so you're never abused again.(pages 103-104)
  • SEVEN WAYS to recover from a fumble. (page 140)
  • Why both anger and alcohol are chemical addictions and how you can eliminate them from your life. (page 141-142)
  • Eight soothing and healing steps to STOP YELLING. (pages 56-61)
  • Fourteen incredible tools to stop blaming forever. (Chapter Eight, pages 72-85)
  • Eight MAGIC steps to give up trying to control your spouse (page 101-103)
  • Why abusive body language is more devastating than just about any other type of verbal or emotional abuse. (page 49-53)
  • Five tools to learn how to lighten up and laugh (Chapter Thirteen, pages 146-150)
  • How the psychologists mislabeled "co-dependency" and what it really is. (Chapter Fourteen, pages 152-159)

  Item 4: 101 Questions and Answers from DrDeb

  
  

  I researched years worth of my email and gleaned representative questions and my answers to them. These are not found anywhere else on this site or in my newsletters.

  Here is what one person, a teen, whose question is included, said to me about the Q & A in my newsletter and how it helped her:
  
  

  You wanted feedback? I can honestly say that I found your newsletter not only intriguing, but also helpful. One can certainly learn a lot from others' questions, and your answers were thorough with a clinical answer- then followed up with a layman's analogy. I found this incredibly effective because either way- it speaks to the well-educated AND simple minded person. And, for those who needed a "reality check" you were stern but not mean, and for those who simply needed some support and encouragment, that was given as well. I enjoyed reading it and learned some stuff, too.

  Listening in on other people's concerns will not only shed light on your own. Perhaps even more important, you will never feel alone again in your struggle or pain.

  Item 5: My Revised article, "How to Choose A Counselor"

  You may be in counseling or want to use psychotherapy along with my book. I give you credit for wanting to maximize all the support you can get. Obviously, if you want to see a counselor, I think you'd do best with me, even if that means working by phone.

  But, if, for any reason, you would rather see someone face to face, I want to see you get the BEST help you can. That's why this report is ESSENTIAL to your search for a counselor. It puts you in the driver's seat. You will be able to answer these questions:

  • How can I tell if the therapist really understands abuse issues?
  • What special perspective should a counselor have that works with couples?
  • Why don't traditionally trained psychologists make good marriage counselors?
  • What educational level should my counselor have?
  • What's wrong with diagnosis and why can it hold back my progress in therapy?
  • Should I listen to my gut feeling about the counselor I'm seeing?
  • How do I cut my costs?

  Here is some feedback I have gotten:

  My wife and I took a vacation in May together in Orlando at which time I experienced some feelings that I had never felt before. I felt as if I were under tremendous stress and there was nothing I could do about it. After returning home, I contacted my insurance company which referred me to a local psychiatrist covered under my health care plan. I visited with him and he treated me for depression and anxiety. He prescribed me Lexapro and Xanax and told me to come back in a week, which ended up being two weeks because he had no open appointments in the next week. During our second visit we talked some more about what was on my mind and bothering me. He told me at that time that I did not need his help, he thought I needed to seek a marriage counselor. He referred me to a counselor in his office.
  
  So my wife and I went in to see this counselor that ended being a psychotherapist with little formal education. Neither one of us felt very comfortable after the first visit, but decided to go further. The next visit was with my wife by herself. After that meeting, my wife did not want to continue the sessions because of the way the therapist was making her feel.
  
  So I went on line to Google and searched "marriage counseling" and read through a couple of sites, the second of which was yours.I have learned more in the last 24 hours online than I have in the last six weeks paying tons of money.
  
  FLORIDA

  The website is great. It is informative, appealing, and gives a sense of hope. The way it is written is nicely done. Here is my take on why it is most impressive: 1) The techniques within the book have proven beneficial to others. 2) There is a way to combine your book techniques and traditional therapy. 3) You provide a road map of sorts to find a therapist that will help and not hinder recovery and treatment. An added bonus, in my opinion, is the acknowledgment that there are therapists out there that do make problems worse because they either do not know how to adequately treat the problem/persons or they let their own emotions get in the way of effective treatment. This has a special importance to me because many people who seek treatment and fail will rarely admit that possibly it failed due to bad therapy, which can cause more problems for the person(s) seeking treatment. I have personally had a less-than-admirable therapist in the past. It took finding a great one for the same problem to realize there are bad therapists just as there are bad mechanics, hair dressers, etc.... This scored extra beanies.
  
  Debby, I think it is wonderful that you are helping so many people. I wish you all the best in this endeavor and I believe you have opened the door to helping so many marriages, mine included.
  
  Warmest regards,
  
  http://www.paisleyplace.com/samanthathomas/

  Dr. Deb,
  
  I'm happy to say my wife and I had a great day Saturday. I have found a counselor with decades of experience who looks at relationships and problems like you do. We went to him together and spent the rest of the day together. Friday morning I begin sessions with him.
  
  Your book has been a great help so far in finding a counselor that is right for us. I've made another copy of your Book, so I have one for myself and one for my wife.
  
  She has far more personal counseling about our problems.....I should have gone when she wanted me to some years ago. I don't think we would be separated right now had I listened. I'll keep you up on our progress.
  
  Thanks very much!!
  
  FLORIDA

  Item 6: Revised article, "Is Couples Counseling Right When One Person Is Abusive?"

  This is the report that Anger Management counselors don't want you to read.

  Here's what you'll learn…

  *Four reasons why breaking up an abusive couple increases danger for the victim.

  *Three conditions under which couples counseling becomes the top pick for abusers and their spouses.

  *Why moral neutrality has no place in counseling abusers and their spouses.

  Please understand something: The fans of traditional Anger Management--with a statistically verified drop-out rate of 98%--don't want you to read this. Did you know that, for example in the state of Florida, anger management counselors are forbidden to teach the idea that abusers were victims of childhood abuse? Why would that be? What's their objection to the truth? Think about the logic here: They're saying that the one thing that is absolutely necessary to promote healing--overcoming childhood pain and trauma--is forbidden in the therapy! Talk about stacking the desk against yourself. No wonder the dropout rate is so high. Read the article and learn what the Anger Management people wish you didn't.

  This report is the key to the entire difference between my philosophy and that of all the hundreds of people who will tell you to give up, leave, start over, move on and whatever else to break up your marriage. What's more, they're all making a mistake that goes against all the scientific research done over decades by people in the domestic violence field: Breaking up in and of itself causes danger at that point in time and for two years after. Wouldn't it be safer to find an alternative that worked, saved your marriage, and reignited your love?

  Item 7: "What to Expect on Your First Visit"

  *Learn the SIX things that definitely should not happen when you are in counseling--and if they do, run fast in the other direction.

  *Learn the nine features of good therapy.

  Item 8, booklet: "The Twelve Secrets of Making Affirmations Work for You"

  

  If the other bonus offers were for your mind, this one is for your heart.

  Although it's for your heart--and your soul, the way it works is through your brain. See, here's the trick about affirmations: They work by rewiring your brain -- But only if they're done right.

  Let me explain what I mean: Doing affirmations--telling yourself uplifting messages about who you are--is wonderful and necessary when you don't feel good about yourself, but it comes with an inherent paradox: If you don't feel good about yourself, how can you say these affirmations with sincerity? That is such a good question! And I answer it clearly in the book. You will turn a negative directly into a positive and the degree of negative energy entering your heart when you hear verbal abuse will absolutely be turned into that very amount of positive energy inside when you do these affirmations properly.

  Find out the 12 powerful secrets of doing affirmations that will change your life.

  This package costs $139

  

  View Cart
  

  What if my partner won’t cooperate?

  Get your FREE REPORT: How to get your spouse to participate (And start receiving DrDeb's newsletter too!) STEP 1: type in your name and email here STEP 2: go to your email and open the letter asking you to confirm that you really want to be added to my mailing list and then click the link in the letter.
  Your Name:
  Your Email Address:

  "Hi Debby,
  
  I wanted to let you know that words cannot describe what you have done for our family, the change, the joy, the calm. Each and everyone of us feels a tremendous uplifting and are excited to live again.
  
  My thought every day is how to get other people with similar problems to know of your work and achievements to be able to help them as well.
  
  Your approach is very different than any other. Others have said that in an abusive relationship nothing helps, well we have news for them!
  
  The process is not an easy one; however, it is worth every moment, every effort and much more. We have received our lives back and I thank you dearly for that."
  
  FLORIDA

  "Frustrated, hurting and tired, we both knew we needed help. We had read other books and tried marriage counseling, but the same issues resurfaced again and again. The effects of our arguing or cold war (depending on the moment) was not only hurting ourselves it was affecting our kids. We saw them yelling or retreating into silence - hmmm...wonder where they could have learned that from?!!
  
  We discovered DrDeb on an internet search. After working through her system my first reaction was hope (it had been awhile since I had felt that).
  
  The information is written in such a way that it is easy to understand where the problems arise from. With the new information we have begun to see how our past abuse, which growing up in our families wasn't considered abusive, was affecting us in the present.
  
  Our cirumstances haven't changed. We are still married to each other and the days are full with the same jobs, kids, ex's, inlaws and outlaws (which could be any of those previously mentioned depending on circumstances and how they are acting). The system gives us specific examples and techniques to stop harmful behaviors and coping methods.
  
  With every effort we make to apply the new information, relationships improve and there is a sense of moving in a new direction."
  
  OKLAHOMA

  Click here for more testimonials -->>

  NOTE THAT NO REAL NAMES WILL APPEAR IN THESE TESTIMONIALS TO PRESERVE THE PRIVACY AND CONFIDENTIALITY OF PEOPLE WHO HAVE GONE THROUGH MARITAL DISTRESS

  What's more, this package is 100% guaranteed. Here is my money-back guarantee:
  

  I personally guarantee that if you don't want the book THE SECRET MARRIAGE KILLER: ERADICATING VERBAL AND EMOTIONAL ABUSE anymore, then let me know and I'll issue you an immediate, no-hassle refund right on the spot. Take a year to decide. Plus, the free bonus gifts are yours to keep regardless, just for your trouble.
  
  
  

  
  
  click here to print out my guarantee for your records
  
  

  Here's my privacy policy:

  PRIVACY POLICY
  
  I will not share your name with anyone.
  I will not use your name on my website or in my newsletter even if you freely send it to me in the form of a question or compliment for me.
  I will not share my newsletter mailing list with anyone, no matter how much money they offer me.

  If you're sick and tired of spam, so am I. Here's my anti-spam policy:

  ANTI-SPAM POLICY
  
  I hate spam and junk mail as much as you do. Therefore, my anti-spam policy is an OPT-IN policy. By purchasing the book, you have been included in the mailing list. However, at any time, should you wish to unsubscribe, simply follow the unsubscribe directions and your name will be promptly removed from the mailing list. NOTE: It's probably a good idea to put the email address of the newsletter in your address book so your filter will not treat it like spam.

  Click here to buy this incredible system in a 3-ring binder with additional bonuses and then just follow the download instructions to start reading the eBook:

  
  View Cart
  

  My best wishes for a happy marriage,
  
  Dr. Debby Schwarz Hirschhorn, Ph.D.

  
  
  
  
  

  

  
  
  
  If you still are unsure, may I suggest you take my free, expedited mini-course. Instead of waiting 10 days for second and third issues of my newsletter, why not sign up here for a three-session mini-course, delivered over three days, and then come back to purchase the Book?

  Email:

   

  Get FREE Newsletter!