A few years ago, during a wedding, I heard these tips. As usually happens when one runs into wisdom, for the moment one seems to be intransigent, out of tune or insubstantial advice. At that time, I could not imagine that these recommendations would help me cope with situations and problems of marriage. For the same reason, now I dare to share them with you:
- Dirty Rags Are Washed At Home
Never discuss your marital problems with your parents, friends, or co-workers. That is being disloyal. It is very common that when the couple is going through a crisis, parents are used as a first resort. Returning to the paternal house in search of comfort is the first, without thinking, that it can be in the long run counterproductive. Talking in great detail about the causes of quarrels with your parents will only create a distance between your partner and your father’s house because they will obviously take sides with you. Keep in mind that with the reconciliation, you will forget every incident, something that your parents and family will be very present. In each episode, you will give them the necessary weapons to be recriminating the choice you made, and you will open the possibility that every time you have a problem, they remind you of every previous incident; well they say that the parents, and mainly the mother, serve “to add more fuel to the fire” instead of trying to reconcile the situation. Therefore, the recommendation is not to involve more people in marital problems, and more if they instead of helping can make the conflict bigger in the long run or in the short run.
- Ask Advice From Other Couples You Trust
On some occasions, I heard that asking new husbands to have their sponsors be partners is not on a whim. The intention is that in times of crisis, they approach them to ask for advice and guidance because the godparents, by living a life as a couple themselves, at some point in their life in common they could be in a similar situation and could tell them what they did To solve problems and differences. There will be no better advice for the new couple than that of another who knows what the “stretch and loosen” of marriage is.
- Find The Best Time And Place To Talk
When you are angry, you can say many things in a hurtful and offensive way. In the same way, you can have impulsive reactions that later cannot be corrected (such as grabbing your things and going to your parents’ house waiting for them to go after you and that does not happen). Home problems stay at home. In times of anger, it is not advisable to try to fix situations amid screams and disqualifications. It is better to give both parties time to calm down, think things through calmly and serenely. Always try to put yourself in the shoes of the other to understand their reasons, and as mature people talk about what caused the dispute. And don’t leave for tomorrow what you can talk about today.
The reactions caused by anger are something that your partner will eventually know and vice versa. That is why, as part of living together, they will learn how to handle these situations, they will know at what time and in what place they can seek comforting reconciliation.